The Work of Listening

There is an epidemic of righteousness under way. People are clutching their ideals tightly while justifying divisive action based on rebranded forms of fundamentalism and moralism. We are being lured into camps of right and wrong based on our desires to be on the self-appointed, “winning team”.

Ray Dalio’s recent book, The Changing World Order, takes us on a friendly journey of history reminding us of what’s at stake when the middle erodes, and how democracy crumbles when our tolerance for opposing views fades.

Science and knowledge belong in the same sentence. Science has been called the upholder of knowledge, and both are moving targets, changing with the times. Knowledge evolves as we evolve. What was once fact becomes a laughable fallacy to the generations of next. Think of our good friend Galileo, charged with Heresy by the Catholic Church for having the audacity to suggest the earth revolves around the sun.

Tara Brach and Pema Chodron both speak of what happens when our views become concrete, and our sense of self gets small. We begin to fear others, turning them into enemies, justifying their dehumanization. Our contrived moral acts become a response to upholding our ideals. This is all a natural part of the human condition which plays on our ego’s need to be “right”. Brene Brown speaks of counter fit belonging, as we bond over positioning ourselves against a common enemy.

What is the antidote to self-imposed righteousness? In the words of the great late Desmond Tutu, Nobel Peace Prize winner known for his work in human rights activism and his efforts in resolving and ending apartheid, “If you want peace you don’t talk to your friends. You talk to your enemies.”

This simple yet profound advice is an act of social defiance. Sitting in the discomfort of listening to someone with opposing views, with true curiosity, is something social media and mainstream media’s divisive rhetoric has narrowed our bandwidth for. And yet, this small, courageous act of choosing to listen, of seeing yourself in the other, of catching your words when they are callous and de-humanizing toward those you deem to uphold ‘unacceptable views’, is important and essential work.

In my opinion, this work is needed now more than ever. Those that can build bridges instead of hiding behind walls of certainty and judgement are the ones needed most. If you find yourself wondering, does your presence in one conversation really matter? I invite you to recall the words of Margaret Mead “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful citizens can change the world; indeed’ it’s the only thing that ever has”.