No is a sacred word
This year, more than resolutions, goals, and the never-ending external striving, I am setting the simple intention to live my days in ways that give my life the most meaning.
While this may seem like a simple ask, I know it comes loaded with the logistical challenge of creating space to allow myself to foster such meaningful moments. Allowing myself the opportunity to do so will unfortunately involve politely declining certain social invitations, passing on incredible business opportunities and for once, biting off “less” than I can chew. Instead, using this time to slow down and simply exist.
Doing this feels like an act of courage and societal defiance.
“No” asks for focus, decisions, boundaries, and dedication. Kicking my ego and its reliance on fear, into high gear. But past this fear is the reckoning with reality. As Mary Oliver eloquent says, “the soft animal of my soul, loves what it loves,” and meeting my own needs and living aligned with what matters to my heart can only come while practicing my sacred no.
No is a sacred word as it resonates with freedom. It opens the door to yeses that I have spent years uncovering. It means quality time with my aging mother, sleeping under the stars on moonlit summer nights, marrying the love of my life, connecting deeply with clients, and caring for myself in the ways that only I can. No is often cited as a good business move by people like Steve Jobs, Tony Blair and Claudia Black.
“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough,” Josh Billings.
Years ago, I attended a retreat dedicated to coming home to an animate world. This was during a period of my life where I was frantically searching for purpose. Convinced that my life could not and would not fully start until I figured out why it began.
At one point in the retreat, the guide encouraged us to go on the land and find a place in which we felt called. Once there we were instructed to introduce ourselves beholding the wild ones as fully alive beings not merely objects of our subjective human experience.
I found myself called to a riverbank whom the summer heat had left dry. I wandered up stream, overtaken by my rational mind pondering and judging the sanity of this assignment. Eventually, my body grew tired, and I gave in and sat quietly.
The land was silent, its beings immersed in the stillness of midafternoon. As instructed, I introduced myself and in all my humanness began my ‘me’ focused lament. Frustration overflowed as I spoke about the meaningless that often plagued my life, my depression regarding the state of the natural world and my self-directed criticism for not knowing how to fix it.
At some point the silence broke, the land spoke, and I was gifted with a response that still haunts my consciousness. A symphony of life kick started around me with every frog, cricket, bird, and toad singing at the very top of their lungs. The sound was beautiful, deafening, and like music, my soul immediately knew and understood. My ego-centered mind fell away as I was pierced by the presence of these beings and filled with gratitude for their response.
The symphony ended with the same abruptness in which it started, and in the silence, I was left with tears and a faint voice that whispered, “You are but one note in the symphony of life, play your note and that is all.”
Leaning into this wisdom, has been my work for years. I often forget, losing myself in striving, trying to be the entire symphony instead of just one note. In these times, the yeses of life become suffocating, and joy evaporates like water from that dry riverbank.
The freedom comes from giving myself the permission to live the life aligned with my heart’s unique song.
To my beloved friends, family, and colleagues, may 2022 be a year dedicated to what matters most, where we are given the time and space to gift the world with our single note.