Naked, Like a Tree Awaiting Snow

I am in progress. Perhaps the state I am destined to live.  I have been praying to let go, to allow the wisdom of the seasons to ripen and set me free. And now here I be, naked like a tree awaiting snow. The darkening days revealing all my shadows. Fear ever present as I root down and ask for the courage to stay. To do as the mystics suggest, sit with discomfort, move towards what scares me. Neither indulge, deny, repress, or distract. In fleeting moments this feels like shit. In the next instance it feels like the permission I seek.

I think of the words of Carl Jung “I would rather be whole than good” and smile at the realization that, much to the chagrin of my catholic upbringing, bad and good are far too narrow of confines to define the depth of a human heart.

I hear the coo of the sand cranes, watching them gather on the riverbank. One last stop before their journey home. Part of me longs to go with them, to shape shift into something wild and beautiful.

Another smile graces the crest of my lips. Noticing the part of me that tends to take myself far too serious has once again arrived. I exhale, sinking into mystery and allowing myself the joy and simplicity of this time. I let go of my need to ‘fix’ the world, my drive to ‘mend’ my life.

I call on the words of the late poet Mary Oliver, reminding myself…

“You do not have to be good,

You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves”.

Stay Wild,

Kimberly Donna